One of the questions I've found myself returning to over the years is this: Who supports the person everyone else depends on?

The higher we move in an organization, the more people look to us for direction. They bring us their problems, look to us for reassurance, and expect us to have a plan. For many of us, that is a privilege. It is also a weight that can become surprisingly isolating.

The Question That Stopped Me Cold

I remember a time when someone asked me, "Why don't you ever ask for help?" That stung. It stopped me in my tracks. I didn't have an answer in the moment. And I've carried that question with me ever since.

I've met remarkable leaders who appeared calm, confident, and capable in every meeting. Behind the scenes, they were carrying questions they didn't feel comfortable asking anywhere else — because they didn't believe they had permission to be uncertain.

Some worried that asking for support would be seen as weakness. Others had simply become so accustomed to taking care of everyone else that they forgot they needed support too. I was one of them. And I was wrong.

High-Performing and Well-Supported Are Not the Same Thing

This is something I say often to the leaders I coach, because I believe it deeply: high-performing and well-supported are not the same thing.

You can be extraordinarily effective and completely unsupported at the same time. In fact, the leaders who are most effective at meeting everyone else's needs are often the ones who are least practiced at articulating their own.

The leaders who sustain their impact over time aren't the ones who never need help. They're the ones who create space to reflect, think honestly about what leadership is asking of them — and have somewhere to do that without performing.

Everyone Deserves One Place

Everyone deserves one place where they don't have to have all the answers. One place where they can think out loud without judgment. One place where the conversation is entirely about them — not about their direct reports, their team's performance, or the next initiative.

For many leaders, that's where real clarity begins. Not in the strategy session or the executive offsite. In the quiet, honest conversation where someone finally asks: What do you need?

High-performing and well-supported are not the same thing. The leaders who sustain their impact create space to be honest about what leadership is asking of them.

Reflection: Who is the person you can be uncertain in front of? If you can't answer that question immediately, that may be worth paying attention to.